The Choices We Make
by RabbitBunnySheep
Summary: "I...just can't seem to stay away from you, Dr Sloan." Lexie can't stay away from the love of her life - even when he's with someone else. AUish story begining the night of 'The Lion Sleeps Tonight'.
1. Chapter 1

**I've been thinking of this idea for a long time, so I hope you like it. It's just a one shot for the moment but if you like it I'll turn it into a multi-chapter. The story starts the night after 'The lion sleeps tonight' and is an AUish story. Main events are still there I just changed some stuff. Hope you like. **

**5****th**** April 2012**

He is sitting on the floor, when he hears the knock on the door. The T.V. is blaring but he isn't listing to it. He is clutching a glass of wine, but the alcohol has had no effect on him. This is his third glass, but his mind is as clear as before his first. His aim in drinking had been to forget but instead the alcohol has just made his memories even clearer. He stands up, setting his glass down on the carpet, softly. He moves to the door, wondering who is knocking on his door. Julia left hours ago, to go somewhere of other and it is past eleven. He pulls the lock down and swings the door open.

His brow creases and he blinks. It can't be. Can it? Lexie,_ his Lexie, _standing outside his flat? "Hi." She ventures, nervously. Her voice is quiet and Mark still cannot believe she is standing outside.

"Why are you here?" He asks, and his tone is harsher than he intended.

"I...just can't seem to stay away from you, Dr Sloan." Lexie's voice gets more confident the longer she talks.

"Come in." He gestures and she brushes past him and into his flat. He doesn't know why he is letting her in, but it is like she has never left. "Do you want a drink?" Mark's voice reaches Lexie's ears and she turns around and Mark can see the sadness in her eyes.

"Why did I let you go?" Her question takes Mark off guard and for once he is speechless. He splutters but no understandable words spill from his mouth. "Why?" She repeats, her eyes drifting to his. "I had you and I let you go. We both let go. It was stupid of me, though, because I'm never going to move on." She stops and takes a deep breath, waiting for Mark to kick her out. But he doesn't. He just stands there, transfixed.

"Why did I let _you_ go?" He echoes after a while. He shakes his head. "I really don't know why." Lexie shakes her head too.

The minute hand on the clock creeps further and further towards midnight. They have been standing in Mark's flat, staring at each other, for a long while now, neither one of them wanting to make a move, and maybe ruin the moment. "You look so right in my flat, like you belong." He tells her, wistfully. Her head drops.

"I used to belong here, not…not anymore. I don't belong anywhere anymore- no wait I do belong somewhere, I belong in your arms but well that's never going to happen so… that's lost forever." Lexie states, her voice melancholy. Mark takes a step forward and then speaks.

"Why did you come?" Mark asks, and he waits with baited breath for an answer.

"I don't know, I really don't know. Maybe it was some last ditch attempt to get you back, who knows?" She laments. Marks stares at her, trying to work out if this is a joke – that in five minutes Lexie will leave, shouting behind her 'April fools!'. But the truth is written all over her face. She wants him back. But he's with Julia now. She can't have him back, no matter how much Lexie and Mark want that to happen, it can't. She will never be his again.

His face falls, but he still speaks. "We can't go back, you know. We crossed that bridge a long time ago, and there's no going back." Mark says, shaking his head – so wanting to say the opposite but knowing it to be impossible.

"Please tell me you're lying." Lexie pleads, but her whole demeanour had changed, she had seemingly shrunk and her eyes look even sadder. Mark shakes his head again. "Sorry." Lexie speaks the one word carefully and precisely. She walks towards the door, but she brushes past him. Mark grabs her arm and drags it so she is facing him. He doesn't understand what made him just do that, but now their faces are barely centimetres apart and there midriffs are touching, sending Mark's desire wild. "Oh god." Lexie whispers, and Mark knows she is feeling exactly as he is.

He leans down and gently captures her lips with his own. The kiss is soft, as if it is the first time they have kissed. They kiss until they have to break away to breathe, how Mark wishes they didn't have to. "Oh god, Mark. This feels so good but…" She trails off.

"But what?" Mark asks, already knowing what Lexie is about to say.

"It's wrong, you're with Ju-" He cuts her off by kissing her again. "Mark!" He smiles.

"I don't care as long as I have you." He tells her, and Lexie knows it's the truth. Lexie dithers and breaks away from the kiss. She runs her hand through her hair, and weakly smiles.

"Oh what the hell." She mutters, just before cupping Mark's head with her left hand, grabbing him around the waist with her right hand and kissing him. The contact is driving them both crazy. Mark starts undoing her pants, whilst Lexie undoes the buttons on his shirt. Lexie breaks away and pulls her t-shirt off, discarding it. Mark uses the time to strip his shirt off and undo his pants and remove them as well. Now they are standing in just their underwear. Mark grabs her around the waist and pulls her towards him. "Are you sure?" Mark whispers between kisses. Lexie pulls out of the kiss. She puts her hands on his hips and smirks suggestively. "What do you think?"

…

**6****th**** April 2012**

Lexie stretches her arms out wide, and one lands on something moving. She opens her arms, and sees Mark – snoring gently – lying right next to her. She smiles, after last night she isn't surprised he is out for the count. She sits up in bed and she realises that this feels good – very good indeed. She glances around the room to see that it has barely changed since she lived here. Suddenly she feels an arm on her leg. Her eyes snap down to see Mark awake, and his arm on her leg. "What's up?" Lexie instantly knows something is wrong with him, the light is his eyes is duller than usual.

"This-" He gestures around the room and then at Lexie. "Is wrong. I've got a girlfriend, who isn't you." He sits up, and stares at Lexie, who's smile has slipped from her face, to be replaced by tears.

"But last night, I told you it was wrong, that you were with Julia, and you said - let me think - that you didn't _care_ as long as you had me. What's changed?" Lexie pleads for an answer. Mark climbs out of bed and starts searching for his clothes, most of which are scattered far and wide.

"Nothing. I just realised what an idiot I was last night." Mark tells her, and his tone is cold and unemotional. Lexie stands up, and starts gathering her clothes as well, scowling.

"You are such an idiot." Lexie confirms, real anger seeping into her tone. She finds all her clothes after extensive searching and dresses quickly. Mark is dressed and sitting on the sofa, his hands clasped in front of him.

"I think you should leave." Again his tone is cold. Lexie puts her shoes on and stands up.

"Bye." She tells him, wishing she had the courage to say more to him. She turns on her heals and opens the door and slams it behind her.

Mark stares at his hands, wondering why he made her leave. It hadn't been what either of them had wanted but it was what had to happen. They had tried that before and he had always hurt her. He could hurt her again, he couldn't take that chance. So he had made her leave. But he hadn't wanted her to leave at all.

…

**24****th**** April 2012**

There are dark bags around her eyes, as she hasn't slept since _that _night, and she keeps having nightmares when she finally does. Lexie is searching the cupboard for a blanket for her patient. She lets out a triumphant 'aha' when she finds one, hidden behind the cupboard. She straightens up and nearly screams when she feels a hand on her shoulder. She snaps her head round to see a face she's been avoiding for the last two and a half weeks. He isn't smiling. "Dr Grey." He nods, in acknowledgment. Lexie scowls at him. "You've been avoiding me." Mark states, when Lexie tries to push past him.

"Well, it's perfectly understandable why I don't want to see you're idiot face!" She shouts, the anger that has been welling up inside her for the past two and a bit weeks finally spilling out. "You sleep with me and then think it is perfectly understandable to tell me it was a mistake in the morning. It isn't! Okay, it isn't right to just order me to leave when you realised how much you cocked up!" Lexie berates him.

"Well, you can't just blame me for this situation, can you? You had sex with me too, remember?" Mark counters, his voice just as angry. "You knew I had a girlfriend and you turn up to my flat and beg to sleep with me!" He shouts.

"I didn't beg you to do anything! You're the one who dragged me back and kissed me!" Lexie fumes. To her anger, Mark laughs.

"You're pathetic, with your little excuses." He speaks in disgust. " '_I belong in your arms'_ – how pathetic." He mocks, and Lexie can't help blush. "I'll give you one thing, it was pretty good sex-" His words infuriate her even more, and before she knows what she's doing she reaches out a hand and slaps him hard across the cheek.

"How dare you!" She screams. She wouldn't be surprised if the whole hospital was listening to their conversation - that was how loud they were screaming. "You know, sometimes I really hate you!" She fumes.

"Well, good to know the feeling's mutual." Mark retorted, and it stung. "I have to work, you know, some people have to." She feels an itch to slap him again.

Instead of leaving like he said he would, they just stand there, staring at each other. "How have we ended up having a slanging match in the supply cupboard?" Mark asks, and the anger has seemingly evaporated out of his voice. Lexie shakes her head, suddenly feeling a little feint. She tries to walk away but she stumbles and falls. Mark catches her. "Whoa, there Little Grey, don't feint on me." Mark tells her, concern filling his voice.

"I'm fine, I just skipped breakfast." She tries to get out of Mark grip but he's holding her to tight.

"Lexie." He mutters. He pulls her closer. "Lexie."

"No, Mark, no." Lexie begs, but only half-heartedly. He leans down and kisses her, and Lexie almost melts in his arms.

The door to the cupboard flies open, and Lexie and Mark fly apart – Lexie's dizzy spell is forgotten in their haste. Mark curses under his breathe when he sees who is standing in the doorway. Derek. "Care to explain?" Derek asks, his voice low and angry. Neither of them speak. "No wait, you don't need to explain - you were just about to have sex in a cupboard, classy." Derek tone is still low.

"I can explain-" Mark tries to speak but Derek cuts in.

"How the hell can you get out of this one?" Derek replies, furiously. "Even though you're Mark, I still thought you could keep in your pants now, turns out I was wrong. What will Julia think, Mark?" Mark's eye darted to his best friend.

"You wouldn't." Mark speaks.

"You're sleeping with your ex behind her back. I think she deserves to know." Derek informs him.

"We weren't going to sleep together." Lexie interjects. Derek laughs.

"Really?" Derek says, incredulously. Lexie nods.

"He kissed me. That's all." Derek stares at Mark, shaking his head.

"Like I said, can't keep it in, can you, Sloan? Well, if it really was that innocent, then look me in the eye and tell me you haven't had sex with Lexie whilst you've been with Julia." Derek proposes. Mark flicks his eyes closed, and then opens them. He glances over to Lexie, a guilty look in his eye. Derek laughs, when he realises that Mark can't. "Well, I guess I should expect it from you, but Lexie! I thought you had more morals than that." Derek stares straight at his sister-in-law and shakes his head. "How many times?" Derek asks, angrily. He is met by silence. "How many times?" Derek asks again.

"It was just a one-night-stand!" Mark shouts, frustrated. Derek laughs again.

"And that's enough!" Derek retorts. "You shouldn't be sleeping around if you have a girlfriend." Derek preaches.

"Don't tell her. Please don't tell her." Lexie pleads. "It was just the once. I promise you, I won't be making _that_ mistake again." Lexie tells Derek in disgust. Derek shakes her head again.

"Give me one reason-" Mark cuts his friend off.

"I will not sleep with her again." Mark articulates. "I promise you." He solemnly swears.

"Okay…but you better not do it again. And if you do, I will tell her." Derek begrudges. Lexie pushes past Derek and out of the cupboard. She flees, running as fast as her feet will carry her. "I can't believe you." Derek says, in loathing, to his friend after Lexie has gone. Mark frowns and walks away. Derek shakes his head.

…

Lexie feels her phone buzz in her pocket. She is on her way out of work, after a long day. She hasn't seen Mark or Derek since the scene in the supply cupboard. She has received a text. She opens it and almost swallows her tongue. It is from Meredith. 'You remembered we're having dinner, tonight, at the house? I don't think you have. Be at the house at 5.30. Mer.' Oh god, she has to sit through dinner at Meredith's, and Derek is going to be there, as they are married and share a house. Oh god.

She arrives at the house dead on five thirty. She rings the bell and a couple of seconds later, the door swings open. Derek is standing the doorway. "Lexie." His tone is sharp.

"I'm sorry-" Lexie starts.

"Let Lexie in Derek, she'll think we're inhospitable." Derek stands to the side and lets Lexie walk into the house.

"Look, Derek, I'm sorry-" Lexie apologises.

"Save it." Derek cuts her off and walks away. Lexie follows him, and sits down at the table. Meredith is still in the kitchen, making adjustments to the food.

"So…where's Zola?" Lexie asks, noticing her bubbly niece isn't here.

"She's over at Callie's, she's having fun with Sofia. Mark's there." Lexie winces at the mention.

"Look Derek, leave it, will you?" Lexie hisses. "It's over, okay?" Lexie hisses again.

"What's over?" Meredith asks, casually, as she sweeps into the room with their food.

"Nothing." Lexie covers, shooting daggers in Derek's direction.

"Okay." Meredith says, awkwardly. "Dig in."

The dinner is eaten mainly in silence, apart from a few sporadic conversations here and there. Meredith notices that the atmosphere between her husband and her sister is rather frosty. She watches the pair, for the duration of the meal, and then broaches the subject after they've finished the dessert. "Right, are either of you going to tell me what's going on?" Meredith inquires. Lexie's head snaps up, thinking that Derek told her. Derek smiles warmly at his wife.

"What do you mean?" Derek asks, feigning ignorance.

"Don't act the fool, Derek, you know what I mean. You and Lexie. The frostiness. I thought you liked each other?" Meredith asks, quite annoyed at Derek's reaction.

"I do like her." Derek points out. Meredith laughs.

"You are such a bad actor. Now tell me." Meredith notices that Lexie hasn't spoken. "Lexie?" She is met by a wall of silence.

Derek takes a deep breath in. "Well, the thing is I was talking to Mark-" Lexie explodes, standing up.

"Don't you dare!" Lexie exclaims. She storms out of the room, and a few seconds later they hear the slamming of the door, and then a car screeching off into the distance.

"Care to share?" Meredith asks. Derek shakes his head.

"I can't. I promised." Derek tells his wife, apologetically.

"Well, I won't tell anyone." Meredith objects. Derek shakes his head.

"Sorry." He stands up and leaves the room.

…

**3****rd**** May 2012**

Mark is so engrossed in his phone he nearly doesn't realise she is standing in front of him; nearly but not quite. He isn't surprised when she speaks. "Thanks…um…for today. For letting me…um…" She trails off. Mark looks up from his phone and then replies.

"You did a good job in there." He tells her, looking back down at his glowing phone.

"Thanks." She tells him. He slips his phone into his pocket and moves from his place leaning on the wall, to face her.

"You okay?" He asks, noticing she looks a bit dodgy. He sees her eyes flick closed for a second before she speaks again.

"I love you." She says, but evidently she hasn't meant to say the words out loud. Mark has to stop his mouth falling open in shock. They haven't spoken since the argument in the cupboard that Derek walked in on. Where was this coming from? "Oh, god, oh my god." Her panic is almost infectious. Her hands are in front of her in a defensive gesture. "That just came flying out of my face, some kind of… I…I…love you. I just…" Her hands fall from in front of her and she slightly turns away from him, in another defensive gesture. She makes a noise that he doesn't catch and turns back to face him.

Her hands fly out in a questioning gesture. "There I did it again. I…I…I…I love you. I do, I just…I love you and I have been trying not to say it. I have been trying so hard to mash it down and ignore it and not say it and…" She points to her left and Mark eyes follow her hand. "Jackson is a great guy. He is…he is gorgeous an…and he's younger than you and he doesn't have any grandkids or babies with his lesbian bff and he doesn't walk out on you when you sleep with him, he's an Avery and…and he likes me." She pauses, slightly, watching Mark's reaction to her comment. "You know? He really likes me but it was never going to work out because I…I love _you_." She says, gesturing at him.

"I am so in love with you an…and…and you're in me…you're like a disease. It's like I am _infected_ by Mark Sloan." She tells him, pointing with both her index fingers at him, before laughing. "An…and I can't think about anything or anybody and I can't sleep." Her voice goes quieter with the amount of pent up emotion that is flowing through her words. "I can't breathe and I can't eat and I love you. I love you all the time, every minute of every day." She pauses slightly, again. "An…and…I…I…I love…you." She hesitates. "God, it feels good just to say that. I feel so much better. I love you. But you hurt me when you-" She is starting to tell him something else, something that he is desperate to hear, when Julia appears.

"Mark, you ready to go?" Julia doesn't notice Lexie, but Lexie sure as hell notices her. Mark leans towards Lexie but she shakes her head, gestures with her head at Julia and walks off. Mark reaches after her but then Julia's voice brings him back. "Mark? You ready?" Mark nods and they link arms and walk off, but all Mark can think about is Lexie's confession that even after what he had done she still loved him. A part of him rejoices, but then he realises who he is with – his girlfriend.

…

**14****th**** May 2012 **

Lexie holds the little white stick between her index finger and her thumb as if it is a bomb. She has never thought three minutes was a long time – that was before today. It's make or break time. She turns the stick so the screen is facing her – two pink lines as clear as day. She is a doctor so the test was only conformation of something that she'd been thinking about for the past two days. She is pregnant. With Mark Sloan's child. Oh god.

Lexie is still glued to the sofa when Meredith arrives home. "Lexie, are you alright? You look really pale." Meredith's tone is full of concern. All Lexie can managed in reply is a nod. Meredith comes over to the sofa and sits next to her sister. "Are you su-" Lexie cuts in, realising it was now or never.

"I'm pregnant." Meredith's mouth drops open. Lexie reaches for the stick and hands it to Meredith.

"And are you okay with this?" Meredith asks. Lexie shrugs. "The father? Jackson? Wait how many weeks are you?" Meredith inquires.

"Not Jackson. I'm six weeks." Lexie manages to tell her sister.

"So, the father?" Lexie tries to avoid the question. As a distraction she notices that Meredith is still clutching her car keys. "Lexie?" Meredith's voice is soft and concerned.

"A one-night-stand. It should have never happened." Lexie tells Meredith the truth – but only a slither. _Oh god if Derek finds out, he'll make the connection_, Lexie suddenly realises.

"His name? Does he know? He deserves to know. Do I know him?" Meredith asks.

"He doesn't know, and I swear to you he doesn't deserve to." Lexie tells her sister, venom in her voice.

"You didn't answer all of my questions. So I'm guessing you don't want me to know his name because I know him, right? So is it Karev? Jackson – wait you said it wasn't Jackson. Oh god…" Meredith suddenly pales. "Please don't tell me it's Derek. Is that why you were both acting weird when we had dinner?" Meredith asks, her voice just above a whisper and filled with horror.

"Mer, I wouldn't sleep with your husband. Derek isn't the father." Lexie calmly puts her sister's fears at rest.

"Good, I just…I don't know." She says, shaking her head, colour returning to her cheeks. "Is it Mark? No, he's got a girlfriend, you wouldn't." Meredith says, almost to herself – which Lexie is very relieved about as she turns as white as a sheet when she asks if it is Mark's. "You're not going to tell me are you?" Lexie shakes her head. "Why doesn't he deserve to know?" Meredith asks.

"He hurt me." Lexie admits.

"What he hit you?" Meredith's snaps round at Lexie's comment.

"No, he just broke my heart." Lexie also admits, her voice a little louder than a whisper.

"Oh, I'm sorr-" Lexie interrupts her sister.

"Don't be, I'm fine." Lexie stands up and walks off, leaving Meredith alone. Lexie turns around when she get to the door. "Don't tell anyone, that includes Derek. Okay?" Meredith goes to interrupt but Lexie shoots her daggers.

"Okay."

…

**17****th**** May 2012**

Lexie sitting at the back of the plane, staring at the back of Mark's head. They've been on the plane for what seems to Lexie to be a lifetime. Mark hasn't noticed her staring, and Lexie is glad for this, as they haven't talked since Lexie declaration of love, and before that they hadn't talked since the argument in the supply cupboard. She has no idea why she said what she did, but she feels quite at peace with herself now – now that Mark possesses all the facts, well almost all of them. Lexie hasn't got around to telling him that he's going to be a father, again.

Lexie reaches and grabs a folded up piece of paper out of her breast pocket. She opens the paper and scans the text. Instead of telling him in person, she wrote him a letter that she is going to give him. She tucks it back in to her pocket. She unbuckles her seatbelt and stands up, but before she can get to Mark and give him the letter, her stomach drops and someone screams. The plane is crashing. The plane is crashing. Oh god.

…

Lexie can hardly breathe, but it helps her a lot knowing that Mark is there – holding her hand. "I love you, I'm always gonna love you, always." Mark says, and Lexie is so happy that he is finally telling her. Her stomach hurts so much and she knows that even if there's a miracle and she survives, she's lost the baby. She laughs slightly, softly, at his words. "Which is why you need to stay alive, okay?" Mark asks her, and she feels some outrage. _What the hell does he think I trying to do- survive so I can love him, _Lexie thinks. She nods. "Lexie, believe. We're gonna have an amazing life together. We're gonna be so happy together. You can't die. We're supposed to be. We're meant to be." Mark tells her and he sounds so sad, so broken.

"Meant to be." Lexie whispers sadly, and it takes almost all her effort to say the words. Using up the rest of her energy, Lexie reaches out her hand and pulls out the letter, she slides it into his pocket when Mark is preoccupied with something else. She feels so tired, so she just falls asleep.

Mark turns back to face her, and all the fight in him drops out of his feet. Lexie is dead. He reaches out and closes her eyes. "I love you, I love you, I love you!" He shouts, the tears starting to flow down his cheeks. "I love you."

…

**18****th**** May 2012**

He is sitting on the floor. The T.V. is blaring but he isn't listing to it. He is clutching a glass of wine, but the alcohol has had no effect on him. This is his third glass, but his mind is as clear as before his first. His aim in drinking had been to forget but instead the alcohol has just made his memories even clearer. He is still wearing his blue jumpsuit from the plane; he can't be bothered to change. He hasn't slept since she died. It's then he realises that there is something in the breast pocket of it, something that wasn't there when he put it one. He reaches and pulls the paper out. His mouth goes dry when he realises that writing on the front is Lexie's. _His Lexie_. He reads the letter.

_Mark,_

_I have no idea if we're on speaking terms at the moment. We haven't spoken since I told you I love you. I do, I really love you. I tried to be angry at you, remember – we just ended up kissing. There's something I need to tell you. Read it, then we can talk about it when we get off the plane. Okay? Please don't come up to me after reading this and confront me on the plane, please. _

_Okay, here we go. I'm pregnant, Mark, pregnant, and as I haven't slept with anyone else after you, you're going to be a dad again. I had no idea how to tell you, cause we really aren't on the friendliest terms, are we? _

_I will be fine if you want to deny it's yours because you don't want the whole hospital knowing you cheated on Julia, or maybe you want you and Julia to work out. I don't know. I'd like you to help, and I know how much you love Sofia, so I hope you can love our child just as much. _

_Before you shout at me for not telling you, I only found out myself two days ago. I mean I'd guessed but the test made it real. I'm pregnant with your child. I know we need to talk, but after we get off the plane, okay._

_One more thing, I love you._

_Little Grey_

Mark sits, dumbfounded by the letter. Lexie was pregnant when she died. Pregnant, with his baby. Wait, does Meredith know? Or Derek? They share a house, it would have been hard to hide something that big. He has to find them, to ask them if they knew about this.

…

He stops outside their house. He is angry, but he is weighed down with sadness. They were a step closer to having the dream life Mark had talked about, but he had had the love of his life ripped from him and now his unborn child as well. She could only have been six weeks when she died, and the plane had crushed her abdomen. She must have known that their baby had died.

He gets out of the car and walks slowly up to the door. None of them have gone back to work yet. Mark got out scot free – no injuries. Derek's hand is pretty smashed up, though. Arizona has lost her leg and of course Lexie has lost her life.

He brings his fist up to the door and knocks. A couple of seconds later, the door swings open and Derek is standing in the doorway. "Can I come in?" Mark asks, his voice low and sad. Derek nods, and the men walk into the house. "Meredith here?" Mark inquires. Derek nods. They get to the sitting room and Meredith is sitting on the sofa, thinking.

"Mer, Mark's here." Meredith looks up and the pair most affected by the tragedy exchange weak smiles. Derek turns to his friend. "You alright?" Mark considers lying, but then he realises that it is futile. He isn't alright, so why should he lie about it? He shakes his head. Derek joins his wife on the sofa, leaving Mark standing up.

"I came here to ask you something." Mark ventures. The couple look up at him. "Did…did either of you know that…" He can't bring himself to say the word, though he knows he has to. "Lexie was pregnant?" The question comes out in a hoarse whisper. Derek's head snaps up.

"Do you think if I did I wouldn't have gone straight to Julia and told her the truth?" Derek asks, forcefully. Mark shakes his head.

"Wait, what's Julia got to do with this?" Meredith asks, confused. "I knew she was pregnant, what's it got to do with you Mark?" She asks another question.

"You knew?" Mark asks, his voice still a whisper. "It seems you both knew half of it." Meredith still looks confused, but then she makes the connection.

"You got Lexie pregnant, whilst you were with Julia! You cheated on your girlfriend with Lexie! That why she wouldn't tell me who the father was, it was you. Wait, what do you know Derek?" Meredith questions her husband. Derek looks up at Mark.

"That they slept together." Derek admits. Meredith is about to say something else when Mark cuts in.

"It was once. I told it was a mistake in the morning. Made her leave. I hurt her." Mark confesses. Meredith and Derek look at him, Derek's eyes are full of pity, and Meredith are angry but sadness is also there. "I love her. Still." Mark discloses. He turns and leaves. Meredith and Derek are still sitting on the sofa.

"He got Lexie pregnant." Derek says, as if saying it will make it more believable.

"He loves her." Meredith speaks, her tone amazed. "He really loves her. Still."

…

When he gets back to his flat, Julia is there. "I thought we should talk, we haven't in a while." Julia tells him. They walk into his apartment in silence. Mark sits back down on the floor. Julia takes the sofa. "Did you love her?" Julia asks, and they both know who they're talking about.

"I still love her." Mark admits. Julia looks at him.

"Did you have an affair with her?" Julia asks, with tiredness sweeping into her voice.

"No." The one syllable answer is short and to the point. Julia sits back in surprise.

"So you didn't sleep with her at all whilst we were together?" Julia asks, incredulously. She had heard all about Mark's reputation before they got together, so she had been surprised to find that he had fallen in love with someone.

"You said whilst we _were_ together. I take we're over?" Mark asks, avoiding the question.

"Of course we're over. You're in love with someone else. I have to let you go." Julia announces.

"Even when that person is dead?" Mark asks, and Julia doesn't know that this the first time he's talked about her death.

"Did you sleep with her?" She asks again, after a while. Mark nods. "So you had an affair?" Julia asks, tiredly.

"No, it was a one-night-stand. Just one night." Mark speaks sadly. "She was pregnant when she…when she died. With my baby." Mark speaks, and Julia doesn't know if he is talking to himself or her.

"Mark, I'm so-" Mark interrupts her.

"I don't need your pity." Julia stands up and walks out. Mark is on his own, he has lost everything of meaning to him. He has lost _his Lexie_.

…

**Hope you like it. Please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**This has taken me a while to get right so I hope you like it.**

**14****th**** January 2013**

She opens her eyes, and all she can see is white. Her neck feels stiff and her legs feel heavy. All she wants to do is close her eyes and fall back to sleep. It is calling out to her, and she wants to follow the calls – it is all she has the strength to do.

She hears muffled shouting and there is a commotion at the edge of her vision. Then it clicks into place, she is in a hospital. Why she is in a hospital eludes her, and, to her massive concern, so does her name. It is like a fog has descended on her brain and she cannot break through it.

A doctor slides over to her bed and smiles warmly at her. "Hello, I am Dr Andy Kingston, and I am pretty sure this is a miracle." He pauses. "Can you remember anything about your accident - I believe that it involved a plane?" At the mention of the plane something lights up in her brain, but almost the second it does – it fades and she is left with no new information, just a sense of frustration, a sense that something is just out of her grasp.

"I can't remember my name." She states, and she watches as the doctor – there is something about doctors that is familiar too – frowns and glances behind him - obviously this wasn't part of the plan. "Dr King, why can't I remember my name or anything about me?" She pleads, and despite her best efforts, fear creeps into her voice.

"Can you remember anything about your past? Is anything familiar to you – words, images, anything?" The doctor questions. She dives into her head, searching for anything to remind herself who she is. She hates this, she feels stripped without her identity. Then she feels sad that no one cares enough to be here.

"Planes. It was a plane…something about doctors – someone was a doctor, someone who I am…" She pauses, trying to gather any more information from the depths of her mind. "Someone who I am close to is maybe a doctor or maybe I am a doctor, I'm not sure." She finishes, as this is all she can remember, but she is left with the impression that she is forgetting something very important. The doctor nods and this confirms her idea – what she can remember is not what he wants her to remember.

"I'll be back soon, but is apparent that you have suffered some sort of amnesia." The doctor turns and starts to walk away, but she calls out.

"I feel like I'm missing something important. Really important." She hesitates. "Do you know anything about me?" She asks, and he shakes his head slowly before speaking.

"I can't tell you anything, if I did know anything, because you have to remember it by yourself – if I tell you anything it wouldn't help because you have to remember it – just because I tell you that something has happened to you, it won't make you feel like it has." He dashes her hopes of at least finding out something about her – because she thinks that Dr King knows things he is not sharing with her.

It frustrates her so much, knowing that her memory is just out of reach. Still, there is nothing that she can do now, so she drops her head to her pillow and answers the calls of sleep.

…

_There is a man standing at the other side of the room, and by his body language, she knows he is agitated and conflicted. He has blonde hair, with flecks of grey here and there. He is handsome, she acknowledges. "Why did you come?" His voice is soft and she relishes in its familiarity – despite the fact that she cannot remember ever hearing it before._

"_I don't know, I really don't know. Maybe it was some last ditch attempt to get you back, who knows?" She speaks, though she cannot remember ever consciously saying the words that have just come out of her mouth. Her voice sounded sad, as if she was lamenting something lost – and she hates the fact that she doesn't know why. _

Then the scene fades to black and she jolts awake. It was just a dream, a vivid dream – but a dream nonetheless. She cannot shake the feeling that the event in her dream actually happened and that she knows the man. His voice was far too familiar. She presses the red button by the side of the bed – and she knows that it will call the nurse despite not being told what the buttons purpose is. The nurse comes over a few seconds later – she is a young lady in her mid-twenties with blonde hair and a big smile. "Yes, Miss?" The nurse inquires. The nurse must know that she is the amnesia patient and is being extremely kind as a result.

"Can I have some paper and a pencil, please?" She asks and the nurse nods, and dutifully trots off to find the required items. The nurse doesn't ask why she wants these items, and she is glad for this.

The nurse returns, clutching an artist's sketch pad and a striped pencil. She takes the items gratefully, and then the nurse returns to her station. She opens the pad to the first page and starts drawing.

She doesn't want to forget the man in her dream.

... 

**20th****th**** January 2013**

She opens the pad, and stares at the page. It is covered with drawings – most of which are bad but she doesn't care. All that matters is that they look reminiscent of who they are trying to look like – though she doesn't quite know who they are yet. The man from her dream is represented in four drawings: one of him as he was in the first dream she had about him, another of him with a baby girl, his baby girl, another when he was younger – about four or so years younger - and the final one is of him from close up. His pictures have been joined by two others over the days and after dreams where they have featured. One is of a blond woman, who she cannot place however hard she tries and the other is of an elderly man she assumes – if he exists - is her father. Dr King has encouraged her drawing, telling her that it might trigger her memory to return.

Dr King slides over to her again, still smiling. "How's the drawing going?" He inquires. She shrugs.

"Nothing else is coming back, and I still don't know if these people actually exist." She tells him. He shakes his head, but the smile has now been replaced by a look of trepidation.

"Us doctors have had a meeting and we have decided – as your memory is taking a while to come back – that we should share with you some news that you deserve to know." He hesitates and her forehead creases in confusion. "You have a little baby boy. When you came in here, you were about six weeks pregnant and to our astonishment our little trouper survived. You've been here for nine months, and we didn't know if you were coming out of the coma, so we delivered your baby via caesarean section about a month before you woke up. He is doing fine." Dr King stopped and she flicked her eyes shut. She was a mom.

It took her several minutes to fully absorb what Dr King had told her. She cannot remember being pregnant, or how joyful it was to find out she was with child – if it was joyful at all – she cannot remember who her child's father is. "Can I see him?" She asks. Dr King looks apprehensive but then smiles.

"Of course you can. I'll just go get him." Dr King waltzes away and she is left, nervousness eating at her insides. The thing she is most scared of is not bonding with her son. After about ten minutes, Dr King walks back onto the ward, clutching a small bundle. When he gets to her bed, he pulls out a chair and sits down. The blanket that was obscuring the child during the voyage across the ward has slipped away from his face. His big, intelligent, blue eyes are staring up at her. His eyes stir something in her memory and before it fades she manages to, metaphorically, grab onto it and hold on.

The man from her dreams is her boy's father. And she has remembered one more thing; her son has his daddy's eyes. "I remember." She whispers. Dr King's head snaps round to look at her. "This little man's daddy. They have the same eyes. That's all." She sighs, wishing that she could remember.

"Do you want to hold him?" Dr King asks. She nods, and takes him out of the doctors arms. She knows instinctively how to hold him, making her believe that, at some point in the past, she has done this before. She stares in to her son's eyes, and the sight makes her smile.

…

**24****th**** January 2013 **

The first thing that pops into Lexie Grey's head when she opens her eyes, is that this isn't what she expected heaven to look like. There is a ceiling to start with and it looks almost hospital-ish. She sits up, and she realises that is isn't heaven at all and the reason it looks like a hospital is because – simply – it is a hospital.

She isn't dead.

Then a doctor walks over to her bed and then the penny drops. Her hands drop to her stomach and she has to fight the tears away. "My baby…" Is all she can force out of her mouth. She composes herself, but is confused by the doctor's also confused face.

"I'm not dead." She tells the befuddled doctor. "But, it's alright, I know my baby is." She tells him, sadly. His face crumples with confusion again.

"He isn't dead, you just saw-" He abruptly stops. "What's your name?" She is confused by this.

"Alexandra Grey. Why?" The moment she says her name, the doctor jumps up in the air, celebrating the fact that she knows her name. "What's going on?"

The doctor clears his throat, obviously embarrassed by his earlier actions. "You've been here for nine months, Alexandra. We successfully delivered your healthy baby boy a little over a month ago, via caesarean section, because we weren't sure you were coming out of your coma. It was a miracle you survived surgery when you got here – we heard that the team that came to rescue your friends gave up on you because they all thought you were dead, but some woodland rangers found you and discovered you still had a pulse. You were brought here and then you slipped into a coma. Ten days ago you came out of the coma but you were suffering from amnesia and now, it seems you have got your memory back." The doctor finishes speaking, and Lexie feels as if she is on cloud nine.

"I'm not dead." She repeats.

…

**27****th**** January 2013 **

Lexie is standing outside the hospital she hasn't seen in months. Nervousness is driving her crazy. What do you say to the ex that thinks you're dead, when you turn up clutching his child? There wasn't a self-help book for this. Liam giggles and Lexie looks down at her son. She sighs and pushes past the flow of people coming out of the hospital and enters the building.

She is hoping that she gets to Mark before anyone else recognises her, but she cannot walk very fast due to her injuries. To her immense surprise, she gets to Mark's office without anyone recognising her or noticing her at all. She has no idea if he is here but she knocks on the door anyway. It swings open after a few seconds and Mark freezes in the doorway.

"Who is it Mark?" She hears Derek ask, from out of sight.

"Yeah, Mark, we've got to get going." Meredith speaks and Lexie's stomach clenches even more.

"I'm going mad." Mark mutters, turning around to face the others in the room. It is then they see Lexie standing at the door.

"You're not the only one." Meredith mutters, after a while.

"None of you are going mad." Lexie tells them, when she has built up enough courage. Meredith laughs. "No. I'm not dead. You just think that I am. I am not dead. I thought I was dead. But I not. Okay, please believe me because I have no other way of explaining this. I'm not dead. I was just in a coma, and then I had amnesia and then I came here and…and…and…" Lexie rambles. Lexie then notices that Mark is staring at his son. "and his name is Liam."

"I watched you die." Mark whispers into the room

"I'm sorry, I cannot undo what happened. I thought I'd died." Lexie whispers a reply.

"Do you know how much it hurt watching you die?" His voice cracks on _die_. The tears make an appearance after that, slipping down Mark's cheeks and then Lexie's.

"As much as it hurt watching you fall apart?" Lexie offers, trying not to break into a million pieces, with the tension. "I'm still Lexie." She murmurs.

"You're still Lexie." Mark echoes.

…

Lexie always thought that wedding were boring, and she could never understand why people ever got married. She never thought that she herself would ever get married. So it is a surprise that she is waiting for the vicar to get to the end of his speech, waiting to marry the love of her life, waiting to marry Mark. Mark is holding on to one of her hands, and Liam is clutching her other hand. Mark turns to her and smiles. "I can now declare you husband and wife."

Weddings are definitely not boring.

**Thank you for reading my story. **


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